This morning when I woke up, I couldn’t stop thinking about the things I wanted to do.
Since these speed light thoughts aren’t that healthy to start my day with, I did 40min meditation to slow down.
Now, my mind is quite empty. I don’t know if it is because yesterday was a very intense day in terms of emotions or it is just because when darkness falls, my body slowly shuts down.
Either way, I’ve got my cappuccino and I am listening to Ben Howard to help me express my thoughts.
I am rather a strange person, you know? So strange that I’ve been diving into an intense study of my own self.
Sometimes I don’t understand my feelings, emotions and thoughts. Mood swings and desires. It is interesting. Time to time I catch myself seeing certain situations as a third person in order to understand them better. I think we’ve talked about this.
In these past years I understood that I am a highly sensitive person. It is scientifically proved that Highly sensitive people exist. I guess I am one of them.
This means I feel intensely. It can also mean that my soul used to be a bitch in past lives and so this is a kind of punishment (if you believe in these things).
When people share their problems with me I feel them like mine. When they share their happiness, I turn into a colorful energetic unicorn. I get their energy and embrace it as mine. Effortlessly.
Since I am a highly sensitive person I need to protect my energy differently. Often, I feel overwhelmed by things that normal people don’t. For instance, too many messages to reply to, too many people around me, too much noise… To avoid this overwhelming feeling, I’ve developed my own tactic. I feel the need to isolate myself from everything.
I am also sensitive to what I eat, listen and I read to.
I need to choose carefully my surroundings.
I need to spend 1 or 2 days by myself. Not talking to anyone. Yoga, running, music. It is like a detox for my soul. And so far, it is been great as strategy to not feel drained from simple activities like going to a supermarket.
When I was a kid it wasn’t easy. Imagine… one girl surrounded by a family of 6 boys and her unbalanced parents.
Often I would cry for no reason. Just because of the feeling in my chest.
Being highly sensitive brings me some mood swings and with them also moments of inspiration.
So, I tend to have a lot of ideas. For instance, sometimes when I go for a run I finish the run so tired. Surprisingly, I become more tired mentally than physically because my mind was thinking of so many ideas, considering every small detail. You would be surprised by the number of ideas and thoughts my mind can develop in a 30 min run!
There are so many thoughts and they go through my mind so fast I quickly feel overwhelmed by them and then BAAM there is a crash in my energy and I can barely open my eyes.
I am not sure if I am one of a few or one of many. If everybody is like this but they pretend they aren’t. Who knows..
Being highly sensitive forces you to question everything. You start noticing what is and what is not healthy for your energy.
I have a tendency to be a minimalist. I don’t have many things, but the things I have I make sure I love them and they are useful in my life. I came to realize I am also a minimalist in terms of people.
I don’t enjoy to spend this sensitive energy with random people.
The people I have in my life are seriously special to me. I choose them. I don’t place them in my daily life by accident.
I make sure the people I have around me are chosen carefully. I don’t spend time or energy in empty conversations or empty people because “I have nothing else to do”. I invest my energy wisely. I invest it in people that are positive to my life or people I think I might help somehow.
In order to invest my energy wisely, I tend to go to an empty space in my mind when I find myself in crowded spaces. For example, I remember when we were with your friends in that bar, in a certain point I isolated myself from the group. I start travelling in my mind.
I was wondering how many people have sat in that table, how many people have drunk from the glass I was drinking from, if the man next to us had kids and who the hell spent time placing that wallpaper.
I was constantly forcing myself to go back to the “normal” world. It is difficult. I have to admite, my mind is a very comfortable place to be. With all of this being said, my life is full of incredible people. I end up creating a very healthy intense relationship process (I just realized in this moment of writing to you)
Since I focus the energy on the people I like the most, the relationships I have with people are from the beginning something exceptionally positive. I am aware how inspiring that person is. Since I know that, I invest a lot in that person (I mean, energy, thought and love) which brings us to an even better place. And guess what happen when you actually invest in your relationships? Things get deeper and the relationship becomes even better. And then BAAAM a big mountain of feelings presents itself and you have to deal with it!
I am aware of all this. For that reason, I spent part of my life avoiding relationships and connections. I was too scared to get involved. Then I grew up and learnt.
Now I am just careful but not depriving myself from feeling.
The fall tend to be very abrupt when you are up there in this mountain of feelings. It is difficult when once again you have to stand up on your own feet. So, I’ve learn to walk on the mountains, but once in a while looking back I see where I have come from.
This happens often in my life. I am not talking about only romantic relationships. I am talking relationships in general.
I am the person who cries over hugs because I didn’t see my friend for more than 5 months. I am the person who feels wonderful because my co-worker thought about me for a second and brought me a “Brioche al Pistacchio”. I am the kind of person who cries due the beauty of a starlit sky.
Soooo, I gotta be careful.
I wonder if you are also a Highly-sensitive person. If so, I suggest you the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron.
Besides that, I am sharing with you also my own tips to create a safe space and environment around you:
- Pay attention the colors you surround yourself with. From the clothes you wear to the notebooks you buy and even the color of your bed sheets. Choose calm and energetic colors. You’ll see it will make a great difference. Start by white and orange 🙂
- Choose a Natural Diet. Processed food tends to be packed with chemicals and be stored for months. You want clean and vibrant energy in your body. So, veggies from the closest Farmer’s Market is the best choice. And if you are very into this try to not eat meat or animal products.
- Watch out the music you listen to! Sometimes we just feel sad not because we are sad but only because we’ve listen to Benjamin Clementine for hours straight!
- Get connected with the Nature. Sun bath everyday even if it is only for 10 min while drinking your morning coffee. Go for walks in the Parks and hug trees! We are part of nature. Do not forget that!
- Choose your people wisely. Surround yourself with people who are uplifting and inspiring for your spirit. We are pretty much like fruits. Takes only a rotten apple to make a bowl of rotten fruits.
- Learn how to say No. Learning how to say no to anything that might impact negatively your energy is the ultimate lack of self-love. It might be simple as not meeting a friend when you just need to lay down and look at the ceiling.
I hope this letter helps you somehow to protect your own energy and the most important person of your life – You.
Sending you love and sunny hugs,